Donald Glut – Frankenstein Lives Again

Donald Glut – The New Adventures Of Frankenstein #1: Frankenstein Lives Again (Mews, January 1977)

Cover Illustration by Tony Masero

Review by Franklin Marsh

Compared to 2,3 and 4 No. 1 Frankenstein Lives Again is very much a scene setter and consequently Boresville. An interesting pre-credits sequence with English pilot Fairfax whizzing over the icy wastes of the Arctic when Doh! the ‘plane runs out of fuel. He survives the crash and seeks out the emergency survival kit (a half bottle of scotch), gets p*ssed and walks into an ice wall. Contained within is the frozen Frankenstein Monster – worshipped by local Eskimos as the Ice God. They give Fairfax a bashing and dump him back near civilisation.

Meanwhile on a train French idiot Pierre Dupre finishes Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and hands the book back to its owner – none other than (fanfare) Dr Burt Winslow! He’s Rich! Intelligent! Long-Haired! Handsome! Top Of The Class In Everything! as he proceeds to bore the Frenchman with his life story and obsession with the Frankenstein legend. Although Burt’s not convinced it’s a legend. Pierre, instead of either leaping from the train or throwing Megabore off it, is so mesmerised by Burt’s brilliance he offers to join him. On reaching the end of the line, they team up with Morris Lamont who tips them the wink about Fairfax. They visit the mad drunken airman and get the location of ‘the Ice God’ With Lamont driving a massive truck they set off. When the truck can go no further, Burt and Pierre unload the dog sleds and set off for the ice wall. Busily chipping away, they’re attacked by hordes of irate Eskimos who want to hang on to their Deity. Dupre carries on chipping while Winslow blazes away at the ‘Natives’ dropping at least one with every shot (the Eskimos needless to say, couldn’t hit a barn door with a banjo at five paces.) Despite the intense bombardment our heroes free the ice-encased monster, hitch it to their sleds and buzz off to rendezvous with Lamont. After they’ve loaded up, the Eskimos get a small consolation by wounding Dupre. Some more nonsense and Burt is winging his way with a crated creation back to Castle Frankenstein – which he bought for a song, despite the outrage of Ingoldstadt mayor Krag and huge crowds of Lederhosen clad extras. The only ray of sunshine is Lynn Powell (Huzzah!) secretary and assistant (yeah, right) who is waiting for Burt, tidying the castle. Will the second part of the book pick up? I ****ing hope so because if I have to read just how brilliant,super,wonderful Burt is much more, I’m going to have a K’niption fit.

(Later)

Forget all that rubbish I posted above. How could I have doubted Don? Part 2 is Back With A Vengeance and jet-propelled. Mr Glut has opened boxes marked Ludicrousness, Horror Cliches and Ultraviolence and gone barmy in the best possible taste. The very next page my jaundiced eye fell upon – ‘A creature had suddenly appeared in the mountains near Ingoldstadt, looking more dead than alive. His countenance was that of a dried corpse, with parched lips and sinister green eyes that stared with an unearthly fire from their cavernous sockets. He sat atop a circus wagon and grinned, showing his few yellow teeth…’ Yay! It’s Professor Dartani’s Asylum Of Horrors – featuring Vampires! Werewolves! Zombies! Witches! I nearly burst several blood vessels but its just a travelling waxworks. However despite some magnificent megaphone marketing in Ingoldstadt, Killjoy Krag runs the Prof and his human gorilla stooge , Gort, out of town.

Burt and the better looking FM (Arf!) are back at the castle. A quick brush against Lynn’s full breasts and its down to some serious Mad Scientisting. Winslow’s got the best equipment money can buy and its time for that old revival ballyhoo. Lynn changes into a short, white nurse’s uniform that reveals her gorgeous legs. Even Burt the Brain must have felt a rustling in the front of his trousers as she leans over a very important piece of scientific equipment. ‘For a short while Winslow managed to smile, considering the fact that he was working with such a vision and not with any ugly and deformed assistant named Igor.’

Suffice to say FM gets revived and breaks the leather straps like paper chains (another example of Burt’s intelligence proving to be sadly lacking). The monster starts to strangle the Doc but then thinks better of it(damn!) and lumbers out of the castle. Some beered up villagers with rifles are lurking nearby on WinslowWatch. A little brains-dashing and bone-breaking later, the lone survivor speeds back to town to warn Krag and whip up the leather shorts brigade. (Many of whom have knee length socks too). The monster bumps into the Prof who charms him with ‘Friend?’ then mesmerises him and the hulk is dispatched to bump off the Mayor. He succeeds and wipes out a few townspeople into the bargain. The rest of the town light their torches and head for Castle Winslow-Powell. Amazingly, Burt manages to hoodwink them, and the saps give him 24 hours to search and destroy. Burt tracks down the Prof, Gort and FM to a rickety barn in the middle of a thunderstorm. Prof and Monster get away, leaving the other two in a furious gun battle as the barn collapses around them. Dartani and his hypnotised helper flee to the castle, where the old carney is delighted to find Burt’s pert, pouting blond bombshell all alone – ‘ ‘ Do you know what that means, my dear?’ he said, enjoying the way her breasts were rising and falling beneath the nurse outfit.’ (as are the Globeswatch team).
Nine pages to go!

(Much later)

– don’t read this if you don’t want to know how No. 1 ends (although it’s already been given away in an earlier post) – OK then – spoiler of spoilers – not only did Don string me along but also got Globeswatch into a frenzy over not a lot (no offence to Lynn). We’d left her being slobbered over by Professor Dartani.

“Like a human insect, Dartani crept along the wall in pursuit of the girl, delighting in the way she squirmed, her breasts heaving due to her frantic breathing.”

And the inspiring “In a streak of movement, one hand gripped the top of her uniform and ripped it down the front so that the tops of Lynn’s rounded breasts showed in all their magnificent abundance.”

Nice of Don to keep it clean, but it probably robbed him of the ’77 Nobel Prize for Literature.

Burt has come to in the wreckage of the barn – which handily fell mostly on Gort. He susses out where everybody has gone/is heading and makes haste to the castle. His arrival prevents the Prof from removing any more of Lynn’s clothes (shame!), who, in a frightful bate, sets FM on him. The monster, being possibly a bigger idiot than anyone else in this book has made a pact with himself not to waste Burt. Lynn, clutching what little she has on, has legged it for the roof with Dartani in hot pursuit. The villagers burst in and the Monster takes some time to grab the chief rabble rouser and lob him out of a convenient window.Everyone ends up on the roof. FM chucks Dartani to his doom, and looks longingly at Lynn. Burt piles in with a rain-proof flaming torch, and the Monster plunges from the battlements. Lynn and Burt embrace as the sun bursts through the clouds and the angry mob shrug their collective shoulders and bugger off back to the town. That’s All Folks!

Paperback Fanatic #10 : Out Now!

Justin Marriott (ed.) – Paperback Fanatic #10 (June, 2009)

Cover: John Holmes

Just crawled through the letterbox so without preamble, here’s what you get in #10

Stephen Sennitt on serious occultist turned top pulp author Gerald Suster.

Andreas Decker on the German editions of Donald Glut‘s ace New Adventures Of Frankenstein.

Justin Marriott on New English Library’s “Sex Manuals” of the ‘sixties & seventies.

John Mains interviews cover artist John “The Fontana Horror ‘Melting Heads’ man” Holmes.

Justin Marriott again on Barry Sadler, the man responsible for not only the Casca the Mercenary pulps but also the rabid pro-‘Nam US smash hit single The Ballad Of The Green Beret (!!!)

Roy Bayfield on Ballantine’s Adult Fantasy books’.

Justin (“I’m leaving to everyone else this issue”) Marriott on versatile and ludicrously prolific pulpster John Harvey whose credits include the Herne The Hunter series and a collaboration with Laurence James on the elusive snuff exploitation job Cut.

Four pages of Fanatical Thoughts

A tribute to Richard Gordon

Order your copy via the Paperback Fanatic site!

Donald Glut – Frankenstein Meets Dracula

Donald Glut – The New Adventures of Frankenstein #4 Frankenstein Meets Dracula (NEL, 1977)

OUT OF THE SMOULDERING RUINS OF A CASTLE DEEP IN THE HEART OF CROVAKIA ARISE THE BATTERED FORMS OF CAPTAIN JUDSON and his companion, the terrible monster created by Victor Frankenstein a century and a half ago. Together they resume their desperate search for peace, but as always that search is destined for disaster.

Transylvania seems an ideal retreat, but the two wanderers haven’t bargained on the horrible cunning of that diabolical paragon of evil, Count Dracula. And when Captain Judson unwittingly restores him to life a new horror is unleashed on the unsuspecting world.

Dracula’s first thought is for revenge on the people who dared to cross him, and succeeded in confining his powers for more than a hundred years. He evolves a fiendish scheme of reprisal — a scheme which spells, terror for his victims, misery for Captain Judson, and death for his monstrous companion.

This truly is a mental series! Dracula reveals his unspeakable intention – to transplant the brain of a Van Helsing into the skull of the Monster! There is also an ex-mad Professor involved, Burt Winslow, whose gorgeous fiance winds up in her undies very early on and spends the rest of the book as though she were understudying Glynnis Barber in Jane. Subjected to the old Count’s iron will, she is his foolproof means of blackmailing Winslow into performing the vile operation. Ends with a showdown between the two heavyweights. Glut portrays Dracula as an entirely evil megalomaniac, while the Monster has many attractive qualities.

Frankenstein Meets Dracula thread on Vault of Evil

Donald F. Glut – Bones of Frankenstein

Donald F. Glut – Bones of Frankenstein ( NEL, July 1977)

“The powers that throb within me!”

Rogaro and Morley live in an ominous castle in the tiny Central European country of Crovakia – so tiny in fact, that it seems to consist of just one town whose inhabitants are referred to only as “villagers”.

Rogaro is a sorcerer with a “skull-like visage”, a “satanic” beard, and mouldy teeth. Morley, his mute, pock-marked and dim-witted manservant (“Don’t worry about Morley… He is stupid,”)

Their blissful master and servant existence of largely unprovoked physical and verbal abuse is interrupted by the arrival of the General and the advanced forces of his invading army. It’s not stated which country this invading army originates from but we’re given to understand they’re an expansionist power, eager for Crovakia and the rest of Central Europe to submit to their political philosophies, and who like to address each other as “Comrade”.

The General has a plan for Crovakian domination (and maybe more) and needs the help of Rogaro, “The only sorcerer in the area”, to realise his fiendish ends. The 150 year old skeleton of Victor Frankenstein having been acquired, Rogaro must now restore the archetypal misguided scientist to life by means of an “ectoplasmic transfer”. What for, General? “It is simple. We want our army to be made from the parts of dead men – you will perform an operation which our science calls a lobotomy… these soldiers will be nothing more than docile vegetables… but still with the instinct to fight.”

So, with the Baron duly resurrected, six corpses (“Not too decayed!”) are sent out for so that he can set about his ungodly task of creating an army of hastily-assembled fighting vegetables. If he collaborates, he gets to return to the Land of the Dead. Should he refuse to co-operate – an ectoplasmic eternity of wandering around feeling really, really guilty about his past. In short, not unlike his own unfortunate handiwork, the Baron has been well and truly stitched up.

Meanwhile, former farmer and staunch Crovakian patriot, Wilhelm “Don’t call me comrade!” Warren is languishing in the town prison, incarcerated following a brave but futile show of resistance against the invaders. Deliverance is at hand however, in the form of a makeshift Crovakian Popular Front who blast him out of jail Spaghetti Western-style. Not a bad plan if anyone had thought to bring some horses along. As it is, all three plucky but simple members of the CPF are killed during the attempted getaway and only Wilhelm manages to escape to the safety of the forest.

While Wilhelm is wandering about wondering what’s happened to his beautiful sister, Katherine, we learn that Crovakia has a coastline, and not only that but some quite nice beaches as well. As Wilhelm sits deep in thought on some rocky outcrop he is surprised by the sudden appearance of a sea monster. No, wait a minute, Wilhelm! It’s not some prehistoric creature returned from the murky depths, it’s OGRE nuclear submarine Tylosaur and on board; the heavily-bandaged Captain James Judson and the tall, groaning, heavily-booted figure of the Frankenstein monster.

Captain Judson and the monster, it seems, are on the lam following a bit of unfortunate business in the previous book. Adrift in the Tylosaur, they’ve fetched up in war-ravaged but picturesque Crovakia, the apparent source of some peculiar “emanations” being picked up by the monster (who, despite being a monster, is still a creature of some sensitivity).

Back in town, villagers Johann and Gustav are drinking foaming beer and eagerly dissecting reports of ghoulish goings-on in the local graveyard. Johann proves to be the more astute and less superstitious of the locals, opining; “I think there’s some scientific experimenting going on… that isn’t on the up and up, if you know what I mean.” Oh, I do, Johann. I do.

With suspicion rife, imagine the reception waiting for Captain Judson – a stranger in those parts, done up like The Invisible Man and flashing his gold pieces about – when he goes into town to pick up some supplies. They’re itching for their pitchforks. “Probably a doctor who turned bad,” surmises Johann.

Following Judson back to the cave where he’s hiding with the monster, the locals’ suspicions are apparently confirmed; “A monster?”, “Yes, a monster!” And before you can say “angry mob of torch-wielding villagers”, they’re off down to the beach to administer a bit of arbitrary justice.

After a bit of boulder-hurling, Judson and the monster escape and make their way to a nearby farmhouse where they encounter Katherine (the beautiful sister, you may remember, of Wilhelm – of whom we’ve heard nothing for the last couple of chapters). And guess what? She’s blind, so she doesn’t judge them on appearances and offers them food and shelter instead of running off screaming or trying to set fire to them.

“We all have our afflictions, Jim.”
Captain Judson’s soul enflamed with spiritual warmth. He had almost forgotten what it was like to be called Jim, especially by a beautiful woman.

There now follows a really quite touching sequence in which Katherine teaches the monster to talk accompanied by lots of group hugs. This is probably the best written part of the whole book. But never mind all that! We’re soon back at Rogaro’s castle where the old alchemist’s erstwhile smoky and sulphurous workshop has been transformed into a modern, fully-equipped scientific laboratory complete with random coils, crackling electricity and tanks brimming with preserving fluid.

Despite grave misgivings, Comrade Frankenstein has already managed to knock up half a dozen flatpack supermen but there’s a problem. One of the brains appears to have been dropped by a cack-handed lackey and you know what that means – he’s one brain short of a filthy creation! Supplies from all the local cemeteries, gibbets and medical schools have been completely exhausted so what’s an undead mad genius to do? Against his better judgement, Frankenstein agrees to let the dribbling, pock-marked Morley go out and procure fresh supplies. So fresh in fact, that they’re still warm and dripping when he returns…

Meanwhile back at the farmhouse, as the storm clouds gather, there’s just time for a quick romantic interlude between Captain Judson and the beautiful Katherine, and Judson is experiencing some regrets about his own OGREish past. Katherine isn’t bothered though and has his bandages off in no time. It’s all going rather well in fact, until their innocent world of carefree horrible disfigurement is rent asunder by the sudden reappearance of brother Wilhelm with Johann and the villagers in tow. Tempers flare and before you know it, two locals have been sliced in half with an axe and Judson and the monster are trapped in the blazing farmhouse!

How will it all end? The Baron’s blasphemous work nears completion. The first peals of thunder echo across a heavy sky charged with life-giving electricity. Will the dead walk once more? Will Judson and the monster escape and be reunited with Katherine and creator respectively. Will they regain consciousness in the ruins of a Crovakian castle and flee the locals in their nuclear submarine? Will they meet Dracula? Who knows?

Bones of Frankenstein is dedicated to Peter Cushing, “The distinguished Baron Frankenstein of Hammer Films”, but this is less Hammer Horror than a kind of Gothic pantomime (“He’s behind you!”). Glut’s writing style may sometimes be as lumbering and ungainly as his monstrous subject matter, but it’s impossible not to be caught up and carried along by the obvious enthusiasm he displays. It’s alive, I tell you! It’s alive!

Donald F. Glut – Terror Of Frankenstein

Donald F. Glut – Terror Of Frankenstein (Mews, 1977)

The creature joins the ranks of O.G.R.E. – an organisation of hideous men dedicated to wiping all beauty from the earth!

Dr. Burt Winslow evidently disposed of the monster at the end of book 1 by ramming a flaming torch in its face and pushing it off a cliff into the sea, but he’s still troubled that it’s out there, somewhere and will not be truly dead until he’s dissected it. So he and his permanently pouting assistant Lynn Powell (who is secretly well made up that the monster fancies her) leave Ingoldstadt for England to discuss matters with one of his fellow boffins. Meanwhile the village peasants arrange a friendly send off by picketing the local railway station – ‘MASS MURDERER: DON’T COME BACK’ and ‘WE DON’T WANT WINSLOW AND HIS WENCH’ are just two of several placards – but at least they get to share a plane with movie star Kane Holdren, noted for his performance in Jawbreaker And The Mountain Of Evil Affair which even the laboratory-bound Burt claims to have seen. But even as they take off for London, the faceless men of O.G.R.E. have located the monster floating in the sea and …. it’s still alive!

Glut packs in so much action into each chapter he makes Dracula Returns look pedestrian. It seems like mere seconds since I met Kane Holdren, paranoid superstar, but OGRE have already snuffed him for being “the handsomest man alive”. Prior to that, they used their atomic submarine to blast a ship out of the sea because it was carrying beauty products for women. Oh, and Burt has saved everybody aboard the plane, having grabbed the controls when the pilots were knocked unconscious by a laser beam fired from the OGRE flying saucer. Just when you think Burt is every bit the masterbrain everyone hypes him out to be, Lynn is approached by pear-shaped promoter Spencer G. Catsman at London Airport who flatters her into taking part in the ‘Miss Laser Beam Beauty Pageant’ and her fiance doesn’t find this vaguely suspicious.

Good to know old Captain Judson of the flame-grilled face is still knocking about. After leader Wu Lang Lee he’s one of the big four at O.G.R.E. (hamburger face Lars Burrod, acid casualty Dirk Anderson and ultra-skin diseased Heinrich Hagopian being the others). They even have their own sub-Pinhead chant:

To destroy beauty! Ugliness must rule! That is the only way!

Anyhow, having captured the Creature they’re all sucking up to him and being his big mates. They even remove their face masks to show him that they’re each as unsightly as him and have suffered the barbs of nice-looking people as a consequence. He’s fallen for it. He lets them call him ‘Monster’.

Back in London, Burt and his friend, Kurt Allen are busy working on a Creature-crushing robot that will be operated by Winslow’s mind when he puts on a special helmet.

The Miss Laser Beauty Contest is a major disappointment. Lynn walks it, of course, but hardly has she been presented with her crown and bunch of roses than the OGRE assassins invade the building and mow down every other contestant before Glut’s even had a chance to describe a one of them. Hagopian is just about to fill Lynn with lead when the Creature comes roaring to her rescue, snapping the lieutenant’s neck before all the bad guys make off in the Tylosaur (cunningly disguised as a sea monster). There’s another outbreak of argy-bargy when they dock and the Creature kills the entire crew (for the second time) except for Captain Judson.

When they arrive back at OGRE island, the mad mandarin is furious: “The girl – a creature of beauty on OGRE island. She must be killed on the spot! It is the law! It would be treason to let her live – treason against the cause!”

The moment he claps eyes on the blue-eyed blond, however, old melty features has a change of heart and proposes marriage to her! When she refuses he comes over all enraged, removes his mask and sadistically flashes her, then has her secreted away in a cave which only he and the Creature know about. To cover up his tracks he informs his fellow faceaches that he’s shot her.

There’s still more ….

For once, Burt’s super-brain doesn’t betray him and he double-guesses OGRE’s next target – an exhibition of BEAUTIFUL paintings. He transfers his mind into that of the eight foot robot he and electronics wizard Kurt have knocked up and wipes out a few more OGRE men before allowing the Monster to overpower the metal man and take it’s empty shell back to OGRE HQ. Meanwhile, Captain Judson has discovered Lynn and although he’s tempted to try his luck, he resists the temptation and denounces the mandarin for the two-bit traitor he is. As the OGRE’s bay for their treacherous leader’s blood, Burt reanimates the robot, the Creature goes berserk and there’s a mad rush to escape the island before it all blows up …

Memo to Severance. The globe action is, frankly, negligable. The best I can do for you is Lynn in her “skimpy white swimming suit”, several assurances that she is curvaceous and Dr. Winslow’s observation that she looks sexy in her lab. uniform.